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What is love? To love – it is a verb

Translation: Tatiana Gurieva [1]


Modern women don’t like that in the East husbands are selected for girls by their parents in childhood. For Europeans it is strange. But there is a grain of truth. Knowing that she already has a husband, a girl doesn’t look for anybody. The same for a boy – he can study with no worry and doesn’t get distracted. Indians say “You marry the one whom you love. We learn to love the one whom we are marring.
This is the Great Truth about Love.
If we are already married, we must learn to love the person who is next to us. European women have a great advantage: we have a possibility to choose a man whom we like to be our husband. We should only begin to love him.

Stephen R. Covey in his book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families” gives one example. After the workshop one man came to him and said that he no longer loves his wife.

“What should I do?” – he asked.
“Love her” – Stephen answered.
“Probably you didn’t understand me. I no longer love her”.
“Moreover, you should start to love her. To love – it is a verb. It means “to act”. Take care of her, listen to her, and try to understand her. Learn to love her.”

Alas, modern families are short of just this understanding. Understanding that love is not just a mix of hormones which usually disappears in 18 months. Love is work and actions.

“Love has full of suffering and has goodness. Love isn’t envious. Love doesn’t exalt, love doesn’t take pride, love doesn’t run riot, love doesn’t look for a profit, love doesn’t get irritated and love thinks no evil. Love doesn’t rejoice at dishonesty but rejoices at truth. Love covers everything. Love believes everything; love hopes; love endures everything. Love is endless.” (Corinthians)

If we check every item, we will see the following.

Love is my ability to sacrifice my comfort and righteousness for somebody’s happiness (the main point – not to overdo it, because to sacrifice the comfort is not the same as to sacrifice everything).

It doesn’t look like the picture of perpetual joy which we often draw in our mind. That is why we are not able to build happy families, because we don’t understand what is love really is and how it is to love in reality.

To love – it is a verb.